scriptures

I Almost Lost My Faith

TW: Cyber Bullying, Mental Health, Suicidal Thoughts

There was a time, not so long ago, that my Twitter timeline was filled with scriptures, quotes, and defense for my place in the Church.

I spent years trying to show that I can be both a Transgender woman, and a Christian. I debated my right to exist with Pastor’s, Christians…even my own parents.

Still, I kept on. My God loved everyone, and I just hoped that by example people would come to see that we belonged.

Still the death threats came, the hatred and vile things people would spew at me from behind their keyboards continued to pile up.

My mental health began to decline. I started to believe the things that people were saying about me, and contemplated ending my life.

I took a step back from being so active online. I stopped going to church. I stopped believing in God.

Yes, you read that right. Megan the “trans Christian” gave up on God.

I spent months trying to sort out my thoughts, beliefs, and ideas about who God was, especially if his followers were so hateful and seemingly so against the Bible itself.

I began to explore some aspects of Spirituality outside of Christianity. God began to feel close again, the more I worked with these things, the more at peace I felt.

God revealed Himself to me in small ways, His love always finding a way to push through even my most crippling depression.

I am still searching, learning, and growing as a person and in my faith.

I know that God exists. I know that He loves me. His love never fails, even when I do. I do not know where I fall most days, I’m still on my way back from the depression. I will lean on Him until I get there.

 

~Megan~