lgbtq+

Even in the Dark Times

I have started so many posts these past few months, but have always stopped halfway through. I keep thinking; What should I write? What do I really have to talk about? Why would anyone want to read this?

I decided to take a break, and really focus on things that I enjoy; this blog is important to me- but what is MOST important is that my content really be helpful to other people. Otherwise, I could just write in a journal.

So I decided that I should break things down and be real tonight. I always speak about things that are important to me, but this needs to be said, too.

I have been in a dark place the past few months. My depression and dysphoria have been overwhelming; it has been so bad that I often have lacked the ambition to do anything other than to go to work, and come home. I struggled so much with being social and friendly, that oftentimes I would go days or weeks without talking to anyone outside of those I live with.

It boils down to a few things, I suppose.

First, I miss my daughters. After I lost my job in Texas, I spent months trying to find another one, without any success. I couldn’t support them, not to mention being able to put food on my own table. When my father offered my a job in Raleigh, I knew I needed to move. I was close to losing my car, my apartment, and what few possessions I owned…. So while I am so thankful to be in North Carolina and around family and friends who truly care about me, I miss my daughters terribly. It has been almost six months since the last time I was able to see them- and I won’t see them again until the end of June. They are everything to me; for a while they were all I had left.

Second, I do not have the insurance to continue on with my transition. That’s right- I am at a standstill right now. I cannot afford my HRT, I can only afford laser every 6-8 weeks. It makes me extremely dysphoric. Most people (I believe) do not know this, but I have to wear a wig due to my receding hairline. I have enough hair to allow for corrective surgery; however the cost is astronomical and I simply do not have the ability to move forward with it at this time. I will one day (thank God), but I cannot at this time.

Third, because I work for my father who is ABSOLUTELY against my Transitioning; I am not full-time. I NEED this job to be able to support my children, and so I am caught in this ridiculous catch-22. If I quit I can go full-time, but then I won’t have a job to support me being full-time. Frankly, there are many times I feel like a fraud or something due to my inability to be myself 100% of the time. I know that I would tell anyone ELSE in my situation that it doesn’t make them any less of a Trans person, but I still struggle to take that for myself.

Fourth, because I am so lonely. I miss having someone to be close with, to share secrets with, to love me for me. I feel like because I am not able to be full-time, no one is going to want to be with me. I feel dysphoric, and so I let myself believe that no one will want me the way that I present currently. I want someone to want me.

So why am I telling you all of this nonsense about what I am dealing with? I suppose it is an attempt to be transparent. I am so thankful that I have a God who is near, even when I feel so lost or alone. He never gives up on me; and he is there for me, always.

Psalm 34:18: “The LORD is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.

It helps me to know that He already knows what I am going through. He is a big God; He can handle me when I am at my lowest. He always shows me things to lift my spirits, or to show me that He loves me and cares for me.

I have been dwelling on Romans 8:31-38 a lot lately.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since He did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one- for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one-For Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, ‘For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep’). No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

Wow. Say that again. NOT EVEN THE POWERS OF HELL CAN SEPARATE US FROM GOD’S LOVE.

He loves us, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, passionately, and without end.

He is there for us to lean on, to cry out to (or scream at/to if necessary), to listen to us, hear us. He loves us at our weakest, most vulnerable. He knows us.

He knows us.

What a comforting thought.

~Megan~

 

Here We Go Again…

I get a LOT of people attacking me online for bring Transgender, and I am sure that most members of the LGBTQ+ Community do as well. If youve noticed, so many of their arguments are the same! It gets tiring at times.

So… I’ve compiled a list of the most common, with my answers. I’m sure it will grow, but here is what I have so far.

1. Being Transgender goes against God’s plan.

A: God’s plan is so much bigger and more vast than we could ever comprehend. Saying that you know the mind of God, why He allows certain things to happen, and that you know the absolute right answer is not only immensely conceited of you, but shows that you do not grasp the magnitude and beauty of who God is.

2. God is Ashamed and Disgusted by the LGBTQ+ Community.

A: John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another”.

3. Being LGBTQ+ is a choice.

A: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.livescience.com/50058-being-gay-not-a-choice.html

4. God did not design you to be Transgender. It doesn’t exist.

A: Galations 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

5. There are only 2 sexes- XX(female) and XY(male)

A: I will quote Grace Ann, a biology teacher. “First of all, in a sexual species, you can have females be XX and males be X (insects), you can have females be ZW and males be ZZ (birds), you can have females be females because they developed in a warm environment and males be males because they developed in a cool environment (reptiles), you can have females be females because they lost a penis sword fighting contest (some flatworms), you can have males be males because they were born female, but changed sexes because the only male in their group died (parrotfish and clownfish),”…”Oh, did you mean humans? Oh ok then. You can be male because you were born female, but you have 5-alphareductase deficiency and so you grew a penis at age 12. You can be female because you have an X and a Y chromosome but you are insensitive to androgens, and so you have a female body. You can be female because you have an X and a Y chromosome but your Y is missing the SRY gene, and so you have a female body. You can be male because you have two X chromosomes, but one of your X’s HAS an SRY gene, and so you have a male body. You can be male because you have two X chromosomes- but also a Y,” she wrote. “You can be female because you have only one X chromosome at all. And you can be male because you have two X chromosomes, but your heart and brain are male. And vice – effing – versa. Don’t use science to justify your bigotry.”

6. Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13

A: Here’s the deal; not only was this book written as a way to establish a clear difference between the Israelites and their former Egyptian captors, it was written to discuss sexual purity. The form of relationship these verses are discussing are non-consensual, (i.e. slave/owner) or as pagan god-worshipping rituals. This does not in any way discuss a consenting, loving, and faithful relationship between two adult men. Also, if you choose to continue to utilize these verses, be prepared to give up shellfish, football and roasted ham, haircuts, misbehaving children(we are told to kill them) and mixed cotton clothing.

7. Romans 1:26-28

A: The Greek word Paul used is physikos, Which is often misinterpreted to mean natural. It is more closely translated to mean “the realities of nature”. Paul is concerned here with people acting in opposition to how God created them to be. If they were born a certain way (I.e. attracted to same sex) the abomination would then be to engage in a heterosexual relationship.

8. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 & 1 Timothy 1:9-10

A: These both use the same Greek word arsenokoitēs, which means male prostitute- and most scholars agree it means more specifically the prostitution of young boys. Again we see that Paul was not condemning the consensual loving relationship between two adults, but this time was attacking men having sexual relations with children.