humanity

Some of My Recent Thoughts

I haven’t written in quite some time, honestly because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

Depression has a way of taking the things you love and twisting them so that you can hardly stand to even think about them, not to mention actually do them.

So I’ve been using my “time off” to really focus on my walk with Christ, my job, and my transition. Basically I’m trying to strip everything away and focus on what is good in my life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about transition, and how some people seem to think that in order to transition, we must be extremely selfish. To them, someone who does, only cares about themselves and doesn’t care about the people in their life at all.

I believe that transitioning is realizing that you are important too, and that our lives have value, and so therefore it is the ultimate embodiment of self-care.

See, before I began this journey my mental health had deteriorated so far that I was suicidal- I almost took my life. I realized that I HAD to make a change. Me deciding to transition was, for me, choosing life. I realized that I was allowed to be valuable, I was allowed to think of myself.

This is my experience, it isn’t the same for everyone. If you choose to stay in the closet, your life has the same value. You choose what will bring you the most safety, care, and overall fulfillment.

I am fully aware that this post has the appearance of rambling; I suppose I wanted to write down what I’ve been thinking about lately, and you have the unfortunate…”privilege”… To be reading it.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how trans women are accused of removing the rights of cis women. To be honest, this blows my mind. Trans women have always been, and will always be women. Saying that our fight for equal rights invalidates the rights of people who ALREADY have them doesn’t make sense.

If our fight for rights offends you, perhaps you should remember that not too long ago, cis women were fighting for the same thing. By gaining rights these women did not take anything from their male counterparts, but rather were boosted to a level of (for the most part) equality. That is all we as trans people are asking for.

It really isn’t that complicated.

Anyways, that’s all for now!

Love you all!

~Megan~

Where is God When We are Hurting?

Life here on Earth can be messy, painful, and stressful. We will all experience some form of struggle during our lives. Of course we know that there can be such joy in our lives, but those bad times can be so incredibly difficult.
We as Christian’s know in our minds that God is there, but in these hard situations sometimes it can feel like God is so far away in the physical here and now.

In all honesty, no matter how often we feel God’s hand in and on a situation there are those other times when He lets our situations grow into a seemingly impossible circumstance. It’s in these times of trial and hardship that we (I know I can’t be the only one) sometimes ask the Father why He would allow this thing to happen to us.

Why do we ask this? I don’t actually believe it is from a lack of faith, but rather because we know who God is, the all-powerful, all-knowing, loving Father- we want Him to intervene in our circumstances and help us.

Unfortunately this can be where the aforementioned lack of faith comes in. When God happens to decide not to answer our prayer the way we requested or expect, we can begin to doubt.

The thing we have to realize, though, is that God sees things on a much bigger (and let’s face it- a much farther) scale than we do. He is not bound by our time table, and certainly not required to conform to our expectations. If He did this He would not be Master, but servant only. Does He love us? Absolutely! Does He want what’s best for us? Always. This means though that what’s best for us isn’t always what we expect.

I have heard people call God callous or heartless because of something very difficult that has happened to them. God is never to blame for what we go through, and yet He loves us so much. He doesn’t want us to struggle or to be in pain. He cares for us.

Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to Him than they are?”

I believe that God allows us to experience some of these terrible things so that we truly believe in His power and love for us.

This brings to my mind the story of Lazarus in John 11. A short time before His crucifixion Jesus was sent a message that His dear friend Lazarus was very sick. His friends sister’s, Mary and Martha were expecting Him (Jesus) to rush to their house and heal their brother.

He said in John 11:4-6 “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”Now Jesus loves Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.”

So instead of rushing to His friends side, He waited two more days. Why did He do this?

He explains in John 11:14 “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

When Christ finally makes it to Mary and Martha’s home, He discovers that their brother had been dead for four days. Mary is understandably upset, and while crying told Jesus that if He had been there, Lazarus would be alive.

Her belief wasn’t an issue. She knew already that Jesus had the power to intervene and heal her brother. I am almost positive that she was hurt, confused, and heartbroken that Jesus didn’t seem to have cared enough about her family and arrive in time to save Lazarus.

However, Jesus identified and understood her pain, after all- Lazarus was His dear friend.

John 11:33-35 “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.”

By this time Lazarus’ sisters, and the people who had gathered had to have expected that this was the end of it. However, it was then that Jesus chose to act and miraculously brought Lazarus back to life! Through this action He not only showed them His love, but also revealed Himself as Messiah. He chose to do this in this manner so that they would not just know who He was in their minds, but also experienced a life-changing event and believed in His power and love.

It would have been easy for Jesus to heal Lazarus, in fact I’m sure He wanted to. However, by choosing to wait He was able to truly show His power, and gave them faith that no matter what they went through they could trust that He was going to be there for them.

Are you going through a difficult or seemingly impossible circumstance? I just want you to know that Jesus is always there for you, no matter how dark it may seem. He wants to comfort you in the midst of your suffering, and wants to do something amazing for you. It may not be in the way we expect, but His plan has always and will always be better than our own.

He promises to always be there for us, and that He will never leave us. We are not alone. What an absolute comfort!

~Megan~