human

Some of My Recent Thoughts

I haven’t written in quite some time, honestly because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

Depression has a way of taking the things you love and twisting them so that you can hardly stand to even think about them, not to mention actually do them.

So I’ve been using my “time off” to really focus on my walk with Christ, my job, and my transition. Basically I’m trying to strip everything away and focus on what is good in my life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about transition, and how some people seem to think that in order to transition, we must be extremely selfish. To them, someone who does, only cares about themselves and doesn’t care about the people in their life at all.

I believe that transitioning is realizing that you are important too, and that our lives have value, and so therefore it is the ultimate embodiment of self-care.

See, before I began this journey my mental health had deteriorated so far that I was suicidal- I almost took my life. I realized that I HAD to make a change. Me deciding to transition was, for me, choosing life. I realized that I was allowed to be valuable, I was allowed to think of myself.

This is my experience, it isn’t the same for everyone. If you choose to stay in the closet, your life has the same value. You choose what will bring you the most safety, care, and overall fulfillment.

I am fully aware that this post has the appearance of rambling; I suppose I wanted to write down what I’ve been thinking about lately, and you have the unfortunate…”privilege”… To be reading it.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how trans women are accused of removing the rights of cis women. To be honest, this blows my mind. Trans women have always been, and will always be women. Saying that our fight for equal rights invalidates the rights of people who ALREADY have them doesn’t make sense.

If our fight for rights offends you, perhaps you should remember that not too long ago, cis women were fighting for the same thing. By gaining rights these women did not take anything from their male counterparts, but rather were boosted to a level of (for the most part) equality. That is all we as trans people are asking for.

It really isn’t that complicated.

Anyways, that’s all for now!

Love you all!

~Megan~

I am a Transgender Woman, and No, I will Not Stay Silent

I am writing this post tonight because I am tired. Too many times I have witnessed people coming out of the woodwork and attacking people like me. Time and time again we have been told that our right to exist is nothing more than liberal pandering. Quite frankly, I have had enough.

Let’s be frank; Transgender and gender non-conforming people frighten many conservatives because we do not fit their traditional mold of what they think a “normal” person should be. They feel that our existence and the fact that we will not remain in the shadows of our fear and self-loathing infringes on their comfort and sensibilities.

Do not mistake me here- people are allowed to disagree with me. They are allowed to feel and think a certain way. That is one of the things that makes this world such a great place. Freedom of expression and thought is a right that every human being should possess. I am just so tired.

I am tired of death threats.

I am tired of being told that my parents should have killed me as a child.

I am tired of  being told graphic details of how I should be “put down”.

I am tired of being called a sexual predator.

I am tired of being told to stop speaking out.

I am tired of reading that another one of my transgender brothers and sisters have been killed because of who they are.

I am tired of being afraid.

Fear is what kept me in the closet for twenty seven years of my life. Fear is what led to me keeping this important part of myself from my spouse. Fear is what kept me living a lie.

Fear is a weapon that is being used against Transgender people- both adults and children- and it needs to stop.

Our existence is not a “plague”, or an attempt to remove the rights for others. Sometimes I have such trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that Transgender people having basic human rights and privileges could somehow possibly infringe on someone else. We are simply asking to be treated just like everyone else.

So no, I will not stop talking about it. I will not slow down, or change course simply because it makes someone else uncomfortable. I am not going back into the closet, I am not hiding who I am. We exist, we are here. We are going to continue to be seen…and change is coming.

~Megan~