fear

I am not a “Broken Thing”

“It’s just a fad you’re going through.”
“This is your cross to bear.”
“Have you tried praying about it?”
“When Jesus tells me that I should, I will accept it.”
“God doesn’t make mistakes.”
“Maybe you need to speak to someone about it.”
“I will always respect you, even though you are living in sin.”
“You wouldn’t be badly treated if you were not living this way.”
“You chose this, now you have to deal with the consequences.”
“You will always be a man in a dress.”
“We all have struggles. You just need to give it to God.”
“I will pray that God reveals His truth to you.”

Tired of reading these yet? I promise you cannot be more tired of reading those, than I am of hearing and seeing them. Being invalidated daily, sucks.

We can do so much better, folks. We are called to minister to the broken, not tear them down, berate them, or treat them as lesser human beings because of who they are as a person.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mothers, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:29-32

 

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” – John 15:12

“If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” – 1 John 4:20-21

“The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:31

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:3-5

The bible is clear about how we should be treating those around us, no matter the difference of opinion. Would it be nice if we all agreed? Absolutely, but that is not going to happen on this side of heaven. Attacking other people though, ostracizing them because they are different, belittling, rejecting, and judging them simply because they live differently than you do does not follow the examples of Christ.

I am a Christian. I am saved. When I die, I will be reunited with the Father in Heaven. No matter what you think, say, or feel to the contrary, my salvation is not contingent on your acceptance of who I am as a person. That is up to Christ.

I accepted His gift, and I am focusing my energy on spreading that message. Christ loves me. My being Transgender is not a mistake- I am not some broken thing, I was created with a purpose. I was made with an intentional design.

There are days I wish I had all of the answers, I wish I knew what the plan for my life was. However, since I do not know, I can only trust in the Father. I will continue to move forward, loving Him, and loving others.

What will you do?

 

~Megan~

 

Even in the Dark Times

I have started so many posts these past few months, but have always stopped halfway through. I keep thinking; What should I write? What do I really have to talk about? Why would anyone want to read this?

I decided to take a break, and really focus on things that I enjoy; this blog is important to me- but what is MOST important is that my content really be helpful to other people. Otherwise, I could just write in a journal.

So I decided that I should break things down and be real tonight. I always speak about things that are important to me, but this needs to be said, too.

I have been in a dark place the past few months. My depression and dysphoria have been overwhelming; it has been so bad that I often have lacked the ambition to do anything other than to go to work, and come home. I struggled so much with being social and friendly, that oftentimes I would go days or weeks without talking to anyone outside of those I live with.

It boils down to a few things, I suppose.

First, I miss my daughters. After I lost my job in Texas, I spent months trying to find another one, without any success. I couldn’t support them, not to mention being able to put food on my own table. When my father offered my a job in Raleigh, I knew I needed to move. I was close to losing my car, my apartment, and what few possessions I owned…. So while I am so thankful to be in North Carolina and around family and friends who truly care about me, I miss my daughters terribly. It has been almost six months since the last time I was able to see them- and I won’t see them again until the end of June. They are everything to me; for a while they were all I had left.

Second, I do not have the insurance to continue on with my transition. That’s right- I am at a standstill right now. I cannot afford my HRT, I can only afford laser every 6-8 weeks. It makes me extremely dysphoric. Most people (I believe) do not know this, but I have to wear a wig due to my receding hairline. I have enough hair to allow for corrective surgery; however the cost is astronomical and I simply do not have the ability to move forward with it at this time. I will one day (thank God), but I cannot at this time.

Third, because I work for my father who is ABSOLUTELY against my Transitioning; I am not full-time. I NEED this job to be able to support my children, and so I am caught in this ridiculous catch-22. If I quit I can go full-time, but then I won’t have a job to support me being full-time. Frankly, there are many times I feel like a fraud or something due to my inability to be myself 100% of the time. I know that I would tell anyone ELSE in my situation that it doesn’t make them any less of a Trans person, but I still struggle to take that for myself.

Fourth, because I am so lonely. I miss having someone to be close with, to share secrets with, to love me for me. I feel like because I am not able to be full-time, no one is going to want to be with me. I feel dysphoric, and so I let myself believe that no one will want me the way that I present currently. I want someone to want me.

So why am I telling you all of this nonsense about what I am dealing with? I suppose it is an attempt to be transparent. I am so thankful that I have a God who is near, even when I feel so lost or alone. He never gives up on me; and he is there for me, always.

Psalm 34:18: “The LORD is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.

It helps me to know that He already knows what I am going through. He is a big God; He can handle me when I am at my lowest. He always shows me things to lift my spirits, or to show me that He loves me and cares for me.

I have been dwelling on Romans 8:31-38 a lot lately.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since He did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one- for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one-For Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, ‘For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep’). No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

Wow. Say that again. NOT EVEN THE POWERS OF HELL CAN SEPARATE US FROM GOD’S LOVE.

He loves us, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, passionately, and without end.

He is there for us to lean on, to cry out to (or scream at/to if necessary), to listen to us, hear us. He loves us at our weakest, most vulnerable. He knows us.

He knows us.

What a comforting thought.

~Megan~

 

The Damage Being Caused by my Fellow Christians

It is painful to see and hear how much damage is being done by Christian leaders who proclaim the name of God while engaging in rhetoric that is hurting people.

As Christians, we are called first to honor God, yes, but as a close second we are TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

John 13:34-35 says “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This does not in ANY way say that we are allowed to keep anyone from coming to the Father.

This calls into question things like the Nashville Statement, the Southern Baptist Conventions Anti-LGBT documentation, as well as individual Religious leaders denouncing LGBT Christians from their pulpits.

I have to ask; where is God in any of that? The answer is simple, He is not.

He is clear on one thing though- He hurts for those that have been abandoned, abused, or rejected. He cares for us- He does not reject us.

Isaiah 57:15: For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.”

Matthew 5:3-4: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

It is comforting to know that no matter what has been done to us by other people, we are NOT alone. God sees what we are going through, He understands, and He is with us. God is NOT defined by the box that the Church has attempted to put around Him.

This is my hope for my fellow Christians:

That we would understand who God is, at least to the best of our ability. That we would see that He is not a God of hate and intolerance, but one of love and acceptance.

Please do not forget Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.” 

Not one of us is a perfect Christian- we make mistakes, we fall short. We do not get to judge the walk of other people. Yes, I am Trans Christian. This does not exclude me from being able to be a Child of God. My walk is not in question. My identity is not in question. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and God made me this way for a reason. Your job, as a fellow Christian, is to encourage me in my walk- not to pick it apart.

IF our goal is the great commission, than I am afraid that we are not meeting it. We have turned insular, and tearing apart people who should be drawn closer to the father. God didn’t say, “For all have sinned, and those LGBT people are especially awful.” He did not say “Go ye therefore, except to that LGBT kid because I do not want anything to do with him.”

He did say to love one another, and that is something that I am choosing to do.

~Megan~