Update

Some of My Recent Thoughts

I haven’t written in quite some time, honestly because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

Depression has a way of taking the things you love and twisting them so that you can hardly stand to even think about them, not to mention actually do them.

So I’ve been using my “time off” to really focus on my walk with Christ, my job, and my transition. Basically I’m trying to strip everything away and focus on what is good in my life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about transition, and how some people seem to think that in order to transition, we must be extremely selfish. To them, someone who does, only cares about themselves and doesn’t care about the people in their life at all.

I believe that transitioning is realizing that you are important too, and that our lives have value, and so therefore it is the ultimate embodiment of self-care.

See, before I began this journey my mental health had deteriorated so far that I was suicidal- I almost took my life. I realized that I HAD to make a change. Me deciding to transition was, for me, choosing life. I realized that I was allowed to be valuable, I was allowed to think of myself.

This is my experience, it isn’t the same for everyone. If you choose to stay in the closet, your life has the same value. You choose what will bring you the most safety, care, and overall fulfillment.

I am fully aware that this post has the appearance of rambling; I suppose I wanted to write down what I’ve been thinking about lately, and you have the unfortunate…”privilege”… To be reading it.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how trans women are accused of removing the rights of cis women. To be honest, this blows my mind. Trans women have always been, and will always be women. Saying that our fight for equal rights invalidates the rights of people who ALREADY have them doesn’t make sense.

If our fight for rights offends you, perhaps you should remember that not too long ago, cis women were fighting for the same thing. By gaining rights these women did not take anything from their male counterparts, but rather were boosted to a level of (for the most part) equality. That is all we as trans people are asking for.

It really isn’t that complicated.

Anyways, that’s all for now!

Love you all!

~Megan~

Life Update

Hello lovely people,

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write an update. To be honest, a lot has happened in my life in the past few weeks and so it has taken a lot of energy from me. I finally feel that I am in a place where I can write it down coherently.

  • On June 16th, 2017 my spouse and I were legally divorced after 10 years of marriage. This was very difficult, and a very emotional time for me. I did not want it, but I do want her to be happy. I am glad that she gets to start over and be happy, I just miss her very much.

 

  • On June 18th, I packed up my apartment and drove 27 hours from Texas to Raleigh, North Carolina. I have family that lives in Raleigh, and I chose to move for several reasons. First, I was laid off from a job I had held for 6 years in mid April. I could no longer support myself, and I was struggling just to put food on my table. Second, I needed a bit of separation from the emotional surroundings. I did not have a support system in San Angelo, and while I did have a few wonderful friends, I needed to be around my family. Third, I needed to go further with my transition and being in Texas was not a healthy environment for me. Leaving my daughters was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and while I know it was the right one, it is very painful still. I could not provide for myself, let alone them.

 

  • On June 21st I started working in my fathers office. I have a lot of management and customer service experience, and he needed someone who could help reorganize, update his paperwork, contact customers, schedule jobs, and do damage control. I am in my element and loving it.

 

  • On June 21st I also started HRT! I cannot adequately describe the amount of joy and relief I felt after taking that first dose. I felt like everything was on the path to becoming right in the world, and I am so excited!

Gettting to live as myself, to have people around me call me Megan, and treat me as the person I truly am is an amazing feeling. I have never been so validated and accepted in my life. There are dark spots, sure, like not being with my beautiful daughters, and working through the aftermath of the divorce, but overall my depression has faded and I am so much happier!

I love you all, hopefully there will be more soon <3

~Megan~